Leaving Mormonism - for Realsies (Updated)

I said my last prayer to God in August of 2003. Now nine years later I'm finally taking the last step. I just sent a letter to the LDS Church formally requesting they take my name off their records.

I have been meaning to do this for quite some time. I'm not sure why I have put it off. Partially it has been out of laziness, partially it is because I had hopped to do a better job writing about leaving the church, but right now I just need to get it done.

(Click here to jump to the UPDATE with the Church's response.)

One reason for taking my name off the church records is I don't want them to count me in the numbers they quote of their membership. Their membership numbers directly correlate with how much political power the church has, especially outside of Utah. Lately, with Prop 8 for example, the church has become more political. I do not want to support any organization trying to manipulate the law to infringe on the rights of others who they disagree with.

Another reason is that by talking critically about the church, on my blog for example, I could technically be "charged" with apostasy and be excommunicated. As of today I am no longer subject to any church disciplinary actions, nor do they have assumed permission to contact me. I would rather quit than be fired.

Mostly though, I want to leave the church behind me. The church will always be a part of my upbringing, but it will never again be part of my future. It is time to let it go completely.

Below is my letter to Member Records. They will most likely forward it to the bishop in my area who will then send it to the steak president. After 30 days (or sooner if they are nice) they will send it back to Salt Lake City and then I will get a short form letter, supposedly two sentences long, telling me that I am no longer a member. (This is kind of ironic as the Church Handbook of Instruction says that my resignation can "not [be] a form letter" - which, legally, it actually can be.)

I was disappointed to hear the church doesn't actually respond personally to people's letters when they leave the church.  I was hoping to get a response to some of my reasons for leaving, contained in my letter. I would have liked to post their reply here, in the interest of fairness.

My letter (it's a long one):

September 15, 2012

Member Records
50 E North Temple, Rm 1372
Salt Lake City, UT 84150-5310

This letter is my formal resignation from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, effective immediately. I hereby withdraw my consent to being treated as a member and being subject to church rules, policies, beliefs, and discipline. I want my name permanently and completely removed from the membership rolls of the church.

I have given this matter considerable thought. I understand what you may consider the "seriousness" and the "consequences" of my actions. I am aware that the Church Handbook of Instructions says that my resignation "cancels the effects of baptism and confirmation, withdraws the priesthood held by a male member and revokes temple blessings" and that I will be "readmitted to the church by baptism only after a thorough interview".  (Church Handbook of Instructions 2006 edition pg.148 -  see also Church Handbook of Instruction 2010 edition pg.21&72) (You can download the Church Handbook of Instructions 2010 here It's mostly boring, but has some interesting info in it.)

My resignation should be processed immediately, without any waiting period. I will not be dissuaded or change my mind. I expect this matter to be handled promptly, with and respect.

After today, the only contact with church representatives I authorize is a letter of confirmation letting me know I am no longer listed as a member of the church as well as a letter addressing my concerns below if you choose to do so.  

I have posted this letter publicly on my blog, http://thegospelofatheism.blogspot.com/  In the interest of fairness I would be happy to post any response you would like to send me there as well. 

One of the core disagreements I have with the LDS church is that it does not acknowledge the universe we live in as real. The church believes that our lives, and this world, is all just a "test;" that pre-existence and after-life are more "real" than what we experience every day. When the church teaches that everything that we see and hear could be potentially a "test" from God (or a "trick" of the devil) they insult the intelligence of it's members and deny the sanctity of human life. The "test" the LDS church would have us believe God has put us in, is actually a deception. If a true god wanted to test us, he would not test us with lies and illusions. 

Unfortunately even the promises of God in scriptures cannot be counted on as reliable. For instance, Jesus said "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. . . If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" (Matthew 7:7-11)  

I am not the only one who has prayed in faith, believing, and yet not received an answer.  The fact that the few promises in the scriptures which are verifiable are verifiably false strongly indicates the other things which must only be taken on faith are also not true.   

The lack of evidence for the Book of Mormon is undeniable. Even simple evidence which should exist does not. For instance, the stone box containing the gold plates in the Hill Cumorah does not exist. This that means God intentionally removed it (or allowed someone to remove it). This is simple evidence that would not necessarily "prove" the BoM is true but could back up Joseph Smith's claim. What reason would someone have for digging that up? What reason would God have to deceive us by removing evidence? The most likely answer is that there was no box there in the first place. 

There are many other examples like this, where simple evidence just isn't there. The fact that Native Americans's DNA indicates they came from Asia, not the Middle East. The fact that there is no evidence of wheels, iron, or horses in America in the time period the Book of Mormon is alleged to have taken place. Things such as the discovery of the papyri Joseph Smith claimed was scripture about Abraham, but which is a common Egyptian funerary text. I could go on and on. Although it can be hard to understand why Joseph Smith wrote the Book of Mormon, it simply does not correspond with observable world and cannot be a true record of a people living in ancient Americas. 

When faced with questions about the church, or embarrassing details of the church's history, the response by church leaders is to ignore the questions or embarrass the inquirer. Instead members are asked to just "have faith." Although I agree that faith is an important component to any system of beliefs, if this faith is not based on an underlying truth it is merely self-deception.

Scientific principals are also taken on faith by many of us today, but they can, if we choose, be questioned, studied, and understood. This questioning is expected and addressed by explanations which become more and more clear the more we inquire. The ability of scientific principals to withstand scrutiny adds to faith in science.   

It is very troubling that the church not only discourages questioning and criticism, but also takes disciplinary action against people who question. This would indicate the church knows it has something to hide. If questions make church leaders afraid, they must not have enough knowledge of the principles in which members are supposed to have faith. If the leaders, who supposedly talk to God about these principles, do not have a firm enough grasp of them to stand up to scrutiny without fear, then this is another strong indication that the principles themselves are flawed. 

Too much of the church happens in secret. Working in secret and darkness is not ethical or right. An invisible god appearing in secret rooms, in a private and restricted temple, to impart a secret version of information vital to our salvation to a small group of old white men is not how a true and just god would operate. Truth does not exist in darkness, behind closed doors, fighting against any scrutiny or questions of any sort.   

Finally, I am saddened by the false promises, of wealth and happiness in an afterlife, which are given in order to extort the sacrifice and money of millions of members. When they find out they have been lied to, it is too late for them to take their lives back, too late to recover the lost time and wealth they could have used for themselves, or the advancement of society, or solving our many real problems such as hunger, disease, energy, and climate change. 

When I said a final prayer I said I would be open to God showing me where I may have been wrong about him. In the nine years since then, nothing has led me to question my conclusions, even though they are neither comfortable nor convenient. I cannot continue to pretend he exists. If God is hiding his face from me, it's not because I did not look for him. 

It is impossible to "disprove" God completely, but I know that the theistic Mormon god does not exist. If there is some sort of a god and I do stand before him one day I know I can tell him, with all honesty and sincerity, I followed the truth as it was revealed to me. If God is true, and just, and loving he will know my heart and know this is true.

Sincerely,


Jeffrey  Udall

If I do hear back from anyone in the church (would probably be the bishop if it is anyone) I will update this post with their response.

If you are a member of the church and want to also leave the church as well I would suggest checking out the website Mormon No More  I got much of the wording of the first portion of this letter, as well as a lot of good advice on the procedure for leaving the Mormon Church, from them.


UPDATE - 9/26/12 - I received my (automated?) response from Member Services today stating that they consider this a "ecclesiastical issue" and will have the bishop of the ward I live in contact me. Hopefully he is smart enough to read my letter and not contact me unless he would actually like to discuss the issues I brought up in my letter.

Just to clarify for everyone, I am legally no longer a member of the church at this point. The letter insinuates that I am still a member until the bishop contacts me and he and the stake president have settled this "matter." This is dishonest and slightly threatening. It is interesting that the clerk who entered my information didn't bother signing their name.

Here is the actual letter (I'm sure it is the same form letter anyone who leaves the church will get):

Here is the "enclosure" they included:

It is a nice sentiment expressed in this pamphlet, but it also indicates they must receive many letters like mine every day.

I will update this post again once I have heard from the bishop and/or gotten my final confirmation letter from the church saying they have taken my name from the records.


FINAL UPDATE - 12/05/12
I finally received my official reply from the church, and I must say, I'm pretty disappointed. It's even more impersonal than the first response. Not even a "Wish you well." Here it is:

One final thought: Would Jesus have only sent me back these two impersonal form letters (I never heard from my local bishop) if I had asked him the questions I did in my letter and told him I was going to leave his church?

Couldn't they have a human being write me a response when I'm (supposedly) leaving the only church that has the true gospel and the only way into the highest heaven? People who call the church's phone lines to order a free bible talk to a live person (I was one of them in the missionary training center). I gave two years of my life fully to this church, and much of the rest of my first 23 years of life. And I get a couple of form letters and a pamphlet.

I hope even the most optimistic member of the church can see that there is a problem with that.

What the God Particle Says About God

Yesterday scientists finally announced the discovery of a new particle with a mass near that predicted for the Higgs boson. Why has this been called the "God particle" and what does it say about God?

What is the "God particle"?

The Higgs field is a theoretical(not for long?) force which permeates all of the universe (much like the Force from Star Wars) and which gives certain particles that interact with it, such as protons and neutrons, mass. Other particles, which don't interact with it, such as photons and neutrinos, remain massless and move at light speed. The Higgs boson is the force carrying particle of the Higgs field, like how a photon carries the force of electromagnetic fields.

In effect this is what creates all matter in the universe by wrapping a bunch of energy (inertial and gravitational mass) into one point. It also has the effect of slowing down massive particles (like the proton and neutron) to everyday speeds (a particle with mass can never reach light speed). If the new particle discovered turns out to be the Higgs, boson this would indicate that empty space has a inherent energy in it. I suspect this will be a big step to understanding dark energy and a more coherent understanding of quantum gravity.

Here's a great cartoon about the Large Hadron Collider and what the Higgs boson below.* The audio sounds like it was mostly recorded at the LHC cafeteria (and the video starts off with cafeteria footage for the first 40 seconds so you might want to skip ahead a bit) but it is a really good explanation about why everyone is so excited about the Higgs boson.

What does this have to do with God?

Many scientists dislike the term "God particle" because they feel it has nothing to do with religion. Scientists in general like to stay away from religion so this is understandable, but because the particle is what creates all the mass, really the substance of matter, in the universe it has has a decent claim to the title the "God particle" and actually says a lot about theism.

First, it is further evidence that religions of the world had no more insight into the true working of nature than any illiterate caveman did. Although it was early science which developed many of the earth centered astronomic models, it was religion which froze them in mystical importance based on the "perfection" of the heavens. It is only when we can question old ideas that we are able to find more accurate and complete models for how our universe works.

Second, it indicates that important and consequential knowledge about how the universe works does not come from prayer or supplication to any deity. Perhaps God was not aware of this particle, but if so, that would hardly make him all knowing. Maybe he purposefully never mentioned it to and prophet or preacher he communed with. If he is trying to keep the knowledge from us, then why couldn't he stop the scientists at the LHC from discovering it?  In the end, God is either a fool or powerless, or both.

What does the God particle's discovery mean for reason, logic, and empirical evidence? That with a focused application of accumulated knowledge, engineering, and commitment humanity can peer farther into the mysteries of the universe without God than we ever could with him.



*One thing they didn't really go over in the cartoon above is the gauge bosons in the Standard Model particle "periodic table." Here is a more complete version with the force bosons - photon (electromagnetic force), gluon (strong force), and Z and W bosons (weak force).

image source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boson

Why Choose Atheism?

There seems to be a lot of misconception about why people choose to be atheists. I worry some people may feel like it is an attempt to escape accountability for some sort of sinful act, or that its just a euphemism for a wanting a hedonistic lifestyle.

This has not been true in my experience. I chose atheism in order to resolve the internal conflict between the theistic philosophy I was raised in with the truths I have found for myself in life. The shadow theism has left on me from the first twenty years of my life is something I may always be saddled with. Atheism is a way to help make sense of the real world by contrasting theism with the pragmatic truths of modern science and philosophy.

Many people are raised in a secular household or a home or community where religion is not emphasized, but this is not the case for most in America. An overwhelming majority of people in The U?S. consider themselves to belong some sort of Christian religion - at around 78%.* - so leaving theism usually involves a choice, often a difficult choice that can feel like jumping off a cliff.

I only made the difficult decision to leave the Mormon church after the flaws in theism became so overwhelming that I could no longer deny them. This came after many years of prayerful and thoughtful study. Ultimately after weighing all the the evidence the "problem of evil" convinced me that all theist churches are seriously flawed and insufficient to provide a true picture of reality.

So what do we get in return for all our tears and being ostracized from our former social groups? Why are so many people willing to give up so much for their belief in atheism? After all, if it's all just a myth why not just go to church and not upset people?

Truth

A devotion to a sincere understanding of the truth was essential when I chose atheism. A frustrating thing about theism (or any other organizational structure based on absolute obedience) is that doubt and questioning are often met with admonition or ridicule. The problem with this is that truth can never come without questions. Often the key to understanding is knowing what question to ask. Being unafraid to ask questions about God and people who supposedly speak for God allow a greater understanding of human society and history.

When I chose atheism, my understanding and wonderment at the beauty and complexity of the universe increased immensely.

Peace of Mind

The ideas of an afterlife or a watchful God seem to provide a peace of mind to theistic people. This can be true to many, but often that peace is actually willful ignorance reality. A true understanding of positive situations allows greater joy, and a more honest understanding of negative situations allows the discovery of better solutions. An ability to understand and rely on concrete things allows a greater sense of well being and peace. No longer are you afraid of monsters, devils, or ghosts when you understand how human expectations, dreams, and fears can alter our perceptions.

When I chose atheism, I was no longer afraid of the dark.

Appreciation of Life

The hope for a life after death is shared by almost everyone, but unfortunately there is no compelling evidence that this is true. Theism unfortunately uses promises of riches and/or rewards in the afterlife to pay for actual work and riches of it's members in this life. Without reliance on the promise of an afterlife, the true value of our lives becomes much more clear. No longer can wars and murder be justified by a "kill them all and let God sort them out" philosophy. With an increased value on life, death becomes a much more devastating loss, as it should be. The uniqueness and beauty of a human personality is the most valuable thing we have ever discovered in the universe.

When I chose atheism I gained a greater appreciation of life and the short time we all spend in this world.


Regardless that atheism is a doctrine of belief that there is no god, it still represents a positive change for those who have discovered that theism is an unsatisfactory theory of reality which simply does not account for much of the knowledge and discovery humanity has accumulated over the last two millennia.

Despite it's relatively recent schism with religion, science represents the best and most solid knowledge about life, humanity, and the universe. There is no ancient knowledge that religion possesses that is not also included in science. Religion has forfeited the ability to tell humanity about our origin, our character, or our path to happiness. I look forward to the day where people do not rely on ancient stories or simple "God did it" explanations for how the world works.

Science, knowledge, and the freedom to choose our own pursuit of happiness is important for the our selves, our loved ones, and the continued advancement of humanity.



*Atheists make up less than 2% of Americans (similar in number to Mormons and Jews). 12% of "unaffiliated" people chose "nothing in particular" - although I would argue that many of them (including many of the 2.5% of Agnostics) only avoid the term "atheist" because of the negative connotations, but could at least be considered "non-theist". (http://religions.pewforum.org/affiliations)

Euangelion

Welcome to The Gospel of Atheism!

This is a blog about the "good news" (gospel) about being an atheist - not adhering to theistic religious ideas, philosophies, and traditions. Here I will talk about why it's important to express atheistic viewpoints, what benefits come from such ideas, and how they apply to American society in the early 21st century.

I will be using the more common definition of "theism" as Christianity, Judaism, Islam  - technically "monotheism." This is basically the only form of theism widely practiced in the western world, and since my blog is written from an American perspective this fits my uses nicely.

I was raised in a Christian (Mormon) theistic household. My family have been Mormon since the days of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. I went on a Mormon mission to Alabama ("The Heart of Dixie") which gave me time and motivation to read and research the Bible, Book of Mormon, and other Mormon religious books. While I had always had doubts, I did not leave the Mormon church until I was sure Mormonism was false.

This blog is aimed at the non-believer - either in the "closet" or out of the "closet." Many people these days are raised without a religion, but there are also a lot of people who feel pressured by friends or family to stay in religion while not actually believing any longer. This is an understandable choice and a realistic one(and one I made myself for a few years after I stopped believing), but it causes people to remain trapped giving their time and money to churches that they don't believe in because they are threatened with the loss of all of their social support.

I hope that one day non-believers do not have to fear being discovered. That non-religious people could stand up and express how they feel and not be labeled "lazy," "apostate," or "infidel." (Or at least that these terms would lose their pejorative sense.) Many friends of mine who left their religion have also lost friends and family. The popular view of non-religious people as "bad" or "evil" needs to be as socially unacceptable as other foolish ideas such as the idea of certain ethnicities as being less human and homosexuality as being deviant.

I would like this blog to provide comfort and validation for those who want to justify their choice to not believe in theism any longer. There are many good reasons to choose secularism over religion. Leaving theism makes it easier to embrace modern ethics and scientific understanding of life, our world, and the origin of the universe. Modern scientific knowledge give us a much richer, complex, and beautiful picture of the world around us.

Another positive thing about leaving behind religion is letting go of the idea of an afterlife. This helps to develop a deeper appreciation of the short time we have in this world and elevates the value placed on the lives and happiness of our fellow humans and animals. 

As an atheist I believe it is important to stand up against religious organizations and out-dated idiologies which try to force their beliefs others in our society. Religious freedom is as important for non-believers as it is for the believers. Religion belongs in churches or private homes, not in schools or legislation. As more and more scientific knowledge disproves religious ideas about the world there is a backlash against science, but this cannot be respected, let alone tolerated. 

When I left religion behind I said one final prayer saying I would always be open to any evidence or signs that God is real, and I still stand by that. I welcome comments about gaps in logic or errors in facts presented, but I hope that any feedback will be respectful.